There are 4 types of handsome. Plus one more.
Just like your favourite podcast, only a newsletter.
Hi Outlouders,
It’s Em Vernem here 🙋🏾♀️ You may remember me from Friday’s show and the other times I get to sit at the grown-ups table, subbing in for Holly, Mia or Jessie.
The rest of the time, you’ll see me on the kids’ table where I belong aka my day job: writing for the website and working on some of our other podcasts including The Spill.
But because the actual Outloud co-hosts are annoyingly robust and don’t take many holidays, I’ve found another way to stay in your face, even when I can’t be in your ears: via this newsletter which will land in your inbox every Saturday.
Tell a friend. Hell, tell eleven.
On Friday’s episode, when I subbed in for Holly, we talked about this viral tweet:
Still confused about which is which? Fair. So many attractive men. So many categories. Let’s break it down together.
Eagle handsome refers to men who you can’t deny are good-looking. Think —Ryan Gosling, Michael B. Jordan, Charles Melton and George Clooney.
Bear handsome are men who are also good-looking but are more rugged and broad in appearance. Henry Cavill, Travis Kelce, Idris Elba and Chris Hemsworth all fall into this type of handsome man.
Dog handsome is more of a vibe… You know the one. When you look at a man and all you see is a puppy dog or golden retriever. Harry Styles, Dev Patel, Dylan O’Brien and Steven Yeun all count.
Reptilian handsome is an extension of rodent handsome. They’re the men who have sharp, dark features like Timothée Chalamet, Benedict Cumberbatch, Robert Pattinson and Jeff Goldblum.
I would like it to be known that as I’m writing this newsletter, I’m surrounded by pictures of celebrity men that I’ve been analysing to make sure that I accurately categorise them. I will definitely be asking for time in lieu because it’s taking a while and I’m mentally drained by all the hotness and also the concentration.
Of course, telling a man that he’s reptilian handsome might not come across as very nice (you know what’s also a reptile? A goanna. And also an alligator) but here’s the thing: these different types of handsome allows us to label all men as being physically attractive, while acknowledging that there are a myriad of different types. Men’s attractiveness exists along on a wide spectrum.
Women? Not so much.
You’re either hot or you’re not.
Under every tweet, video and article about these four types of handsome, you will see men posting selfies asking which category they fit into. They are met with kind and generous responses from (mostly) women taking the time to thoughtfully explain why they think they’re a bear, eagle, dog or reptile.
I would rather turn into one of those animals than post a selfie on a thread with men asking them what type of pretty I am.
Since being assigned to this task by nobody, I’ve realised there is one important category missing…. The sloth handsome.
Unlike the other types of handsomes, the sloth isn’t just about the physical appearance. It’s the energy that these men put out into the world — Chilled, laidback and down to earth. Sloth energy is in my opinion, the most appealing of them all.
I volunteer Louis Theroux, Daniel Kaluuya, Paul Mescal and Matthew McConaughey for this category.
Fight me.
Em xx
🥶 What you said…
You know I love stalking chatting with you all in the Mamamia Outlouders Facebook group. On Wednesday’s show, Mia, Jessie and Gemma Bath told us that no, we’re not imagining it… Australian homes are among the coldest in the world. After reading some of your stories in the Out Loud Facebook group, I want to wrap you all up in a big cosy blanket. Here’s what some of you said…
“Our bedroom can be as cold as 10 degrees in winter! I'm certain the windows are glorified cling wrap and no insulation.”
“I love the high ceilings and old windows in our apartment. Yet they’re the two biggest things contributing to the f**king freezing temp inside.”
“It won’t matter what I do, my back door is open permanently for my dog to come and go as she pleases.”
Look out for my posts in the Facebook Group to have your say in the next newsletter.
📺 📖 🎧 Weekly Reccos…
If you’re driving or walking or whatever you’re doing while listening to Outloud and you can’t quite remember what the reccos were. Same. Here are this week’s reccos to delight you. Let us know in the Outlouders FB group what you think of these.
Jessie wants you to watch…
The Iron Claw on Apple TV. She said that after watching this, Zac Efron is setting himself up to receive an Academy award in the next few years. It’s based on a true story and follows the Von Erich brothers — A family of professional wrestlers in the 1980s.
“The way in which they’re able to juxtapose the strength of their bodies with the vulnerability of what’s happening to them is quite remarkable.”
I want you to think about…
A concept that I came across when I was reading a newsletter by Culture Vulture. The title of the newsletter was “Am I unconfident, or am I just thinking about myself too much.”
Writer Maggie Jean says…
“Self-optimisation is marketed to us constantly. We’re advised to measure sleep, consume fifteen billion ‘essential’ vitamins before breakfast, have a ten-step beauty regime, put ourselves first and practice consistent introspection.”
I’d love to hear if any of you share a similar sentiment of feeling like you’re thinking about yourself too much (guilty).
Let me know!
Mia wants you to watch…
America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders on Netflix. Since Mia recommended this, I have been hooked. These women are remarkable. The Dallas Cowboys are the most valuable American Football team, worth $9 billion as of this year. The cheerleaders? They have to work full-time jobs alongside being a cheerleader because they can’t financially sustain themselves on just that…
If you’re a big fan of sports docos like Holly and I, you need to get around it ASAP. If you love Drive to Survive, this series is 10 times more intense.
God, I love women.
📣 We’re not done talking…
Were there any topics this week that you absolutely loved and want more of? Well… we’re continuing the conversation over at Mamamia.
'It was one big expensive lie': Inside the big business of life coaching. - Isabella Ross.
Kim Kardashian said the one thing celebs never admit about Hollywood's beauty standards. - Gem Bath.
The 8 details you probably missed at Taylor's star-studded London concerts. - Isabella Ross.
👀 Something for you…
ICYMI, we dropped a bonus episode of Out Loud this week. Mia, Holly and Jessie talked about getting their colours done. They sat in a chair while a professional stylist told them what season their skin tone was and what colours they actually should be wearing. If you care, I’m a deep autumn and I should be wearing browns, dark greens and gold jewellery — I’ve made it my entire personality. And guess what? You can to!
We have made a little quiz for you so you can see which season you are and like me, have an excuse to buy more clothes.
🤫 Behind the scenes…
As you can probably tell, the only thing I have on my mind right now is handsome men. I forced asked Jessie to sit down with me and guess what types of handsome some famous celeb men are. This video isn’t on any of our social media platforms so pls keep it to yourselves, we have standards to uphold.
You are very dry and witty Em! 😂
Love the newsletter!
I really love Em's gen z/zennial input on MMOL