But what if the haystack has no needle?
The dating method that changes everything, your juicy MIL stories, (for newsletter readers ONLY 🔥), a bonus recco + Mia addresses the hot topic you've been asking us about 👀. Welcome friends!
Hiii Outlouders, Em Vernem here 🙋🏾♀️
I have a confession: I’m not a needle.
Listening to Wednesday’s show with Mia, Jessie and Amelia, I never knew I was going to be attacked, yet attacked I was.
All dramatisation aside, the Burned Haystack dating method they discussed has got me thinking about its needle in the haystack analogy. I agree that the most successful form of dating (and by ‘successful’, I mean dating to find a partner) is when you date like it’s your job and you’ve got bills to pay.
But the issue I have with this dating method — and all dating methods — is that they’re always targeted at women. Finding ‘the one’ is always a woman’s problem. For once in my life, I want to be the needle, and I want to be found.
I don’t want advice on how to hack the system, I don’t want to be blocking random men I’ve never met, and I don’t want to be asking everyone I know to set me up with someone they think I’ll like. And I do not want to be the test subject of yet another dating hack just because it’s trending right now.
I’ve been on a lot of dates. Eight years’ worth of dates and I can tell you right now that while I’m applying tips, tricks, hacks and methods to go on a good date, the men just… turn up. They’re not bending over backwards to find me. They’re simply swiping right on my profile and meeting me in person.
I am nothing if not contrary so all that being said…
If you know a man based in Sydney who would be a great match for a 28-year-old, slightly chaotic (depending on my menstrual cycle phase), extremely funny and average-looking (also depending on my menstrual cycle phase) woman, please let him know that there’s a needle in waiting.
🎧 Listen to the full Burned Haystack chat in Wednesday’s episode. Segment starts at the 39:53 mark.
Weekly Reccos 📺 📖 🎧
I know this is what you’re here for so let’s get into it.
Mia wants you to watch
The Franchise on Binge. As a superhero fan (and pick-me girl), this recco is right up my alley. It’s a comedy series about the making of a superhero franchise but not one of the good ones. Think, Ant Man (sorry to Paul Rudd fans).
“It’s laugh-out-loud funny. I never do this with a show but I’m watching it twice. I watched it by myself and then I’ve gone back and watched it with my teenage son.”
Holly wants you to read
Swan Song by Elin Hilderbrand. If you’re constantly thinking about the Netflix show The Perfect Couple (guilty), then you’d probably enjoy Elin Hilderbrand’s books. She’s the author of the book that the series was based on and all of her books are also set in Nantucket.
It’s a quick and easy read about a mysterious incident that involves rich, beautiful people who are constantly throwing glamourous parties. Sign me up.
“It’s fun, sexy and pervy and I’m just absolutely loving it. I can’t stop.”
Jessie wants you to listen to
The latest episode of Sentimental Garbage. Host Caroline O'Donoghue is back on the mic (which was a wonderful surprise to fans of her podcast) and released an episode called Taffy Brodesser-Akner is a Swiftocrat.
We talked about Taffy recently when Mia recommended her latest book Long Island Compromise.
Two women, one Millennial and one Gen X talk about how much they love Taylor Swift and they aren’t apologetic about it.
“I'm not a Swifty, I wouldn't call myself a Swifty, but I loved how clever this conversation was and how they were able to dissect it to say things about feminism and heterosexuality and all the different things. It is just such a good listen. Two very, very smart women.”
⭐️ Mia’s bonus recco ⭐️
Mia wants you to read Jackie-O’s memoir, The Whole Truth. It’s a candid and brave depiction of addiction, the friend who Jackie credits with saving her and the complexities of having such a public career. Mia also interviewed her for a two-part episode of No Filter.
🎧 Follow below to hear the first part of Mia’s No Filter interview with Jackie-O.
What would you recommend to Outlouders this week? Tell us all in the comments!
More to read. 👩💻
Want more good things from us? We know you do. Check out these reads.
Matthew Perry, Jackie O and what we want from ‘celebrity addicts’.
In 2023, Jamie Oliver became a children's book author. His second book was just pulled from shelves.
Trump’s coming back to the White House. This is what happens now.
One day, Martha Stewart’s billionaire boyfriend turned to her in bed and said something unforgivable.
We need to talk about the mother-in-law in the room.
So, Tuesday’s episode was… interesting. If you haven’t listened yet (get to it, friends!), Mia read out a dilemma about a mother-in-law that sounded a little lot close to home for Jessie.
Many of you had your own mother-in-law stories to share (good and bad) in the Outlouders Facebook group which made for some highly entertaining reading. Here’s my pick of the bunch. 🍿
“When I was 19, I was invited to Christmas at my boyfriend’s house. When it was my turn to open my gift, from my potential future mother-in-law, she had given me a pair of cleaning gloves with faux fur on the cuffs. Her son and I didn’t even make it to New Years.
“My MIL is taking a month off work to help us out when our second baby arrives.”
“Best silver lining of my divorce!! Never to see or speak to my MIL again.”
“My mother-in-law is someone I am very grateful for. When we lost our baby and lived in Melbourne she dropped everything and flew over from NZ when I had to be hospitalised. She has been there whenever I need her and I can tell her anything and she never judges. I’m so thankful that I have her in my life.”
“I was a vegetarian for 16 years. My husband and I had just had triplets. We also had a 2 year old. She bought ‘us’ a tuna pie to help out.”
“I had just had my third baby. I had 3 under 3. My mother-in-law (at the time) came to visit and brought with her one takeaway coffee and muffin, for herself. She ate it and drank it at our kitchen bench while I folded laundry.”
“My MIL crashed our honeymoon! For context, we had a destination wedding for our guests. We lived in Cairns and they had travelled from Melbourne. We were doing a honeymoon at home. She had been planning on leaving my FIL for a long time, but decided she just wanted to get through our wedding. Two days later she left him and asked if she could stay with us for a while.”
🎧 Follow below if you haven’t listened to the MIL episode yet. It’s very juicy.
Who do you know who’d enjoy this MIL conversation? Feel free to pass it on ⬇️
We’ve lost our marbles.
There’s a new star in the podcast studio. The table. Yes, you read that correctly. Our table has fans.
So, we decided to address this newfound appreciation of an inanimate object for newsletter readers only. Brace yourselves though. It’s not the best of news.
Dear Executive Producer Ruth… This part doesn’t need an editor’s eye
Do you think she’s gone?
Okay, good.
I need to share something that no one else seems to have picked up on.
When taking the group shot for Wednesday’s episode, our beloved Ruth tried to get out of the frame (emphasis on tried).
So let’s play a game of ‘Find Ruth’. It’s Where’s Wally but make it ginger.
Someone please check on her.
[Em, we need to talk 🤨 — Ruth]
I also felt attacked Em! This haystack theory is something I just cannot get on board with. I live my life in general ie. friends, clothes, food etc with a quality over quantity type attitude and this haystack dating completely negates that. We are all high value working women with busy jobs already, we don't need dating to be a second job. It made me infuriated listening to the talk of yet another dating trend! And don't even get me started on it only being aimed at women. Women are exhausted trying to keep it all in the air, we have enough on our mental load without searching for yet another needle. My life and my time is far too precious to be burning through a haystack of (quite often substandard) internet men.
Em! You are not average looking! Haven’t even finished reading it all, just had to jump into the comments asap!