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Aifric Ní Chléirigh's avatar

I also felt attacked Em! This haystack theory is something I just cannot get on board with. I live my life in general ie. friends, clothes, food etc with a quality over quantity type attitude and this haystack dating completely negates that. We are all high value working women with busy jobs already, we don't need dating to be a second job. It made me infuriated listening to the talk of yet another dating trend! And don't even get me started on it only being aimed at women. Women are exhausted trying to keep it all in the air, we have enough on our mental load without searching for yet another needle. My life and my time is far too precious to be burning through a haystack of (quite often substandard) internet men.

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Wendy's avatar

Em! You are not average looking! Haven’t even finished reading it all, just had to jump into the comments asap!

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Ruth Devine's avatar

Hard agree!

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Em Vernem's avatar

Hahaha I appreciate you 🩷

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Elly Klein: Your Dating Bestie's avatar

Em, I totally get where you're coming from re. wanting to be the needle rather than the one looking for the proverbial 'needle in a haystack' via the latest dating tip, trick, hack or method.

It's true: Men aren't madly searching for information about how to find their 'needle'. They just swipe right on women they find attractive (which is about 80% of women - as opposed to women who find about 5% of men online attractive) and if one actually wants to go out with him, he shows up to the date.

Here's the thing: When it comes to dating and relationships, men might NEED more help, but women WANT more help. That’s why there are more dating and relationship 'tips, tricks, hacks and methods' for women than men – because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. And men are notorious for not wanting to be helped. They famously don’t ask for directions, don’t read instructions and don’t like to be told what to do.

Unfortunately you can't control men. You can only control how you handle men. Women can't make men want to 'work on themselves' or learn how to be a better date, boyfriend or husband any more than men can make women obsessed with football and sex. It's just the general nature of things.

The only empowering thing you can do is to take matters into your own hands. You can learn how to date more effectively for a smoother ride to love, if you want to. And you can filter out any man who comes across as a Neanderthal and only date / have a relationship with / marry the ones who pull their weight emotionally, financially and domestically.

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Em Vernem's avatar

Oh I love this!!! Very true re the difference on how men and women prioritise dating

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Reannon's avatar

Em, I cannot love you more for using the newsletter to put out a call for potential dates!

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Em Vernem's avatar

Surely a gold star employee? 😂😂

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Reannon's avatar

For sure because it proves you were listening when Amelia was on & talking about asking everyone to set her up! This is you asking literally everyone!

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