Confessions of a secret mistress friend.
A very important question ONLY for newsletter subscribers, a sparkly special offer, what happens when a friend stops showing you off + the super spicy TV show that has Hol obsessed.🔥Happy reading!
Hiii Outlouders, Em Vernem here 🙋🏾♀️
Ever heard of a ‘secret mistress’ friend? Interesting because that’s exactly what me, Jessie and Holly talked about on Friday’s show and two out of the three of us had never heard of her either. You’ll have to listen to the show to find out which one of us had the tea on this but let’s just say… 💅
Anyway, according to TikToker Lucy, a secret mistress friend (SMF) has zero to do with sexual shenanigans and everything to do with being the friend you keep hidden on your socials.
But why? So glad you asked. It turns out that she’s the type of friend who’s probably the best friend. The one who’s always there to help out, give advice, constantly makes themselves available to catch up… yet will never be posted to their friend’s social media accounts because they don’t fit into the aesthetic.
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Sounds pretty rank, right? But, as someone who’s been demoted to the SMF position, I can honestly say… it’s not that bad.
Since watching that TikTok, I realised I have a friend who posts quite frequently on Instagram. She posts about her partner, her friends, her family — but she never posts about me. However, she used to. She takes photos of me whenever we catch up for dinner or drinks but those happy pix are never seen again.
When I first realised this, I felt a bit inadequate. But, looking back at the evolution of our friendship, I realised that moving from being the friend she posted about every time we saw each other to now being the SMF, has made our relationship stronger.
It feels like a weight has been lifted of always having to go to aesthetically pleasing restaurants, having our hair and makeup done, making sure we’re wearing a new outfit and pretending that we didn’t just unload all of our week’s stresses and problems onto each other.
The pressure of not needing to document our catch-ups has brought us even closer. Although we get the “Are you guys still friends?” question from people every now and then, I now think that being the SMF might be the friendship upgrade for which everyone should strive.
If you have no idea what I’m yapping about or want to know what Holly and Jessie had to say about SMFs, take a listen to Friday’s episode.
🎧 Segment starts at the 6:03 mark.
Weekly Reccos 📺 📖 🎧
Here’s what our Out Loud hosts are frothing over this week.
Holly wants you to watch
Rivals on Disney+ Since the morning of the day we recorded this episode, Hol won’t stop talking about this show.
It’s based on one of the many books by British author Jilly Cooper that were bestsellers in the 80’s. Apparently they were called *check notes* Bonkbusters… Meaning lightweight, satirical and loads of sex.
“Watch, shut up and enjoy— It’s my gift to you.”
Jessie wants you to listen to
Andrew Garfield’s Modern Love episode. Get your tissues ready for this one because I’m already tearing up just from typing this. If you haven’t listened to the Modern Love podcast, high-profile people are interviewed before choosing an essay to read aloud. The one Andrew Garfield chose was Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss by writer Chris Huntington.
“It's about the grief of time passing and he speaks about this concept of onism, which is the realisation that you only get to experience this tiny slice of the world. You're only ever going to live in your body, with your skills, with your family etc. And there's a sense of profound grief in that that life is about letting go and realising all the things you're never going to have.
He talks about how the people he knows who have died still had books they wanted to read, still had things they wanted to do. He just articulated it so beautifully. He reads this essay, and he gets halfway through. This has never happened in a Modern Love episode before, where he just broke down and just started crying because he was so touched by it.”
I want you to buy
Trinny London’s Be Your Best balm cleanser. My recco is actually about a cleansing hack more than the cleanser itself (although it is really good). My friend and facialist Lauren told me about this and I’ve since been preaching it to everyone.
Every week, I take my cleanser and massage it into my face for… 20 minutes. Hear me out. Sit in front of the TV and watch an episode of your favourite show. While watching, take your balm or oil cleanser and work it into your skin (dry). You will soon feel all the yucky stuff clogging your pores make its way out. Warning: Can get quite addictive.
“Doing this once a week has completely transformed my skin.”
It’s feedback time! What did you think of our reccos this week? Let us know in the comments.
Get your eyes across these. 👩💻
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Move on up.🧘♀️
ICYMI, November is the month of MOVE. So, in celebration, we have a little something for you.
Mamamia’s giving you daily feel-good workout recommendations to keep you company all month long.
Want to join in? Use code MMOLMOM to get $30 off a yearly subscription to take part.
Help us agree on this 🧽
On Wednesday’s show we talked about the politics of cleaning and how it goes much deeper than “well, someone has to do it.” In my rogue fashion, I decided to ask Holly and Jessie this very important question…
Would you rather fight 100 tiny vacuum cleaners or 1 giant sponge?
This resulted in a very high-brow conversation. Have a watch.
So, please, help settle this. Let us know in the comments what the correct answer is (surely it’s the vacuum cleaners?).
And if you haven’t caught up on our cleaning chat yet, take a listen to Wednesday’s episode.
🎧 Segment starts at the 29:30 mark.
Loved the cleansing trick! I’ve used an oil cleanser for years but after your recco I spent longer and it was sooo much better! Thanks Em!
Em, I did your cleansing trick last night & my skin was sooooo soft afterwards!